


I think they've got the alias that you've been living under

by MediumAquaMarinePresence



Series: In this house we don't fridge women [5]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Daddy Kink, Good Brother Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 10:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21390466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MediumAquaMarinePresence/pseuds/MediumAquaMarinePresence
Summary: Five loves his brother, so he does everything in his power to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man Klaus dragged home is David Katz. Easier said than done, but Five never balked at a challenge.
Relationships: Dave/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: In this house we don't fridge women [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1498619
Comments: 9
Kudos: 255





	I think they've got the alias that you've been living under

**Author's Note:**

> Short and sweet, this is pretty much the final part of the series. Thank you so much for reading! <3

Five had killed to get back to his family. Five had endured the living nightmare of the apocalypse, become a trained assassin, and solved insurmountable equations of the time space continuum to get back to his family. Now that he had them, he tried his best to do right by them, no matter how frustrating they were. From Klaus he’d gotten at least a few questions answered, enough to set his mind at ease. Yes the Commission would be after them, but they had more tools to defend themselves, as well as the Commission had been dealt a serious blow and would not be recovering any time soon. 

With the basics covered, he intended to fully uphold his end of the bargain. 

The first thing to do was to quarantine Subject A. No need to have him muddling Klaus’s mind more than he already did. As well they might talk, might contaminate one another, and that was just no good. So Subject A was given a room on the third floor, set up with his own bedroom with attached bathroom and a view of the city all behind a carefully locked door. 

The next thing to do was to get access to old and secure military files. The Commission was hardly subtle, if you knew what to look for you could see their calling card. If Dave’s timeline had been tampered with, Five would be able to see it in the records. As well he could compare it with the Commission’s own records, pilfered by his dense but sticky fingered brother. What a treasure trove he’d brought home, and only because he’d never left anywhere empty handed. 

Provided the records matched, the next part was a bit trickier. He had to prove that the Dave they had sequestered was the Dave Klaus had met in 1968. While he didn’t have all the details, Five did know the Commission was capable of some truly terrifying things, and it was a distinct possibility this creation was not the same one Klaus had met. He could be some dangerous clone, sent to infiltrate the Academy through Klaus’s sentimentality, and Five would be damned before he let the Commission squirm their way into his home. 

Also, if pressed, he wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of Klaus having the love of his life turn out to be an evil time traveler. His brother was barely keeping it together as it was, no need for dramatics. 

He didn’t know if he was pleased or disheartened by the fact both the Commission records and military records seemed to indicate David A. Katz had an irrevocably damaged timeline. While Klaus insisted the man had died in front of him on the battlefield, military records indicated he was MIA. His dog tags were never recovered, which fit with the narrative Klaus presented, as well the reports hinted at some suspicious activity surrounding the skirmish during which he went missing. While the details were sparse, it was enough for Five to go on. Enough for Five to feel reasonably sure the Commission had been involved. There was nothing in any of his research that seemed to indicate the man in the Academy was not Dave. Proving a positive was futile, so he’d have to go with that for now. 

What that left him with was the inspection and interview. Klaus had helpfully provided a list of physical features to look for, as well as any indication he’d possibly taken some sort of injury to the sternum. In addition to that list, Klaus had also provided him with questions and answers that only the real Dave would know, intimate details only the two of them shared. Five had no qualms about receiving such information, and Klaus didn’t have an ounce of shame in his stupid head, so it had worked out quite nicely. Only now he had to put it all into practice. 

“Thank you for joining me,” Five said, because he’d been learning social pleasantries put people at ease. It probably didn’t make Subject A feel much better, as he was still naked, save for a towel, in the middle of the cold infirmary, but every little bit helped. 

“Happy to be here,” Subject A replied, still clinging to a towel around his waist. Five was unsure if that was sarcastic or not. 

“I suppose you know why you’re here,” he started, trying not to be patronizing. 

“No clue, actually, you’ve been a little sparse with the details,” Subject A replied. Five looked down at his notepad. 

“I’m inspecting you,” he answered. “My brother has given me the task of proving your identity and that’s not something I take lightly.” 

“Clearly.” Five shot Subject A a glare. 

“Drop the towel and we’ll get started.” Subject A kept his towel firmly around his waist, staring. Five went down his checklist:

  
__ Sternum scarring 

__ Circumcision 

__ Freckle on his “left nutsack” 

__ semicircular burn on his left wrist from a baking pan 

“This may feel a bit invasive,” Five explained as he got to his feet. “Klaus was the one who gave me the list, so you can thank him later.” 

“List?” Subject A echoed. “What list?” Five considered showing him, but that was a risk he didn’t see the benefit of. He had not been tasked with making Subject A comfortable, he had been tasked with assuring his identity. 

“Grace has seen that you are in reasonable health, this is purely a visual inspection. To ensure you share similar… landmarks, let’s say, to the real Dave.” 

“And why can’t Klaus do the inspection?” Five snorted. 

“Given the nature of your relationship with him, just think about that one for a moment and get back to me.” he said, and that got a wry smile from Subject A. 

“Fair point. Let’s get this shit show over with, how about?” For all his confidence Subject A was a little hesitant in dropping his towel. “And let me just say it’s very weird you look thirteen,” he added, folding his arms awkwardly over his chest. 

“I need you to put your arms down,” Five told him, standing up and stepping closer. All down his sternum, nearly from his collarbone to just below his ribs was a mass of white scar tissue. Some of it did appear to be traumatic, while other pieces were clearly surgical. All of it seemed to have been treated, the edges puckered slightly from healed sutures. “Hold out your left arm,” he instructed, and clinically turned Subject A’s writs. It was a little further down his arm than he expected, but Klaus hadn’t been terribly specific about it. So far so good. “Do you have any noticeable freckles anywhere?” he asked, hoping to get a verbal answer first. Subject A shook his head. 

“Not that I know of,” he responded slowly. 

“Do you have one on your genitals?” 

“Excuse me?” Five took a deep sigh. This was for Klaus. He had to be thorough. 

“Let me have a look. I promise not to touch, ok?” Subject A gaped at him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m a little confused here, did Klaus describe my dick in perfect detail or something?” 

“Something like that.” Subject A let out a slow, frustrated breath. “Is that surprising?” 

“It really isn’t. Ok, what do you need?” 

“Thank you for cooperation. If you wouldn’t mind just laying down on that table just over there.” Five indicated the medical cot, and Subject A complied, albeit a little stiffly, with his request. And yes, Klaus had been correct, there was a freckle on the left scrotum, and the circumcision question was answered rather promptly as well. “Thank you. You can go get dressed now, and meet me in the office.” Subject A was much quicker to comply with that. 

Five left him in the infirmary and went to find Klaus. Klaus had been spending a lot of time in a studio space on the second floor, he chatted with ghosts, scrolled through his phone, and dabbled in art. Five wasn’t quite sure what artistic talent was, or if Klaus was going for something abstract while having the actual ability to make something acceptable, but there was a certain amount of talent in his work. 

He wasn’t there, which was strange. Five considered waiting, that Klaus may have stepped out to the bathroom or to get food and would be back soon, and it would give him time to snoop through Klaus’s stuff, but he decided against it. Subject A was ready to be interviewed, it would only take time. He jumped straight to the kitchen, to see if Klaus was making food. He wasn’t, but Diego was. 

“Have you seen Klaus?” he asked. Diego glared at him. 

“Klaus hasn’t left his room since he got back,” he shot, like it was somehow Five’s fault. 

“Thanks,” Five replied and ported directly into Klaus’s room. At first he thought Diego was lying to him, that Klaus wasn’t there, but then the mess of clothes and blankets on the bed shifted and Klaus’s face came into view. 

“Five?” he asked. 

“Can you point to exactly where the real Dave has that burn? On his arm?” Five asked. 

“Yeah, sure.” Klaus retreated into his pile and then very slowly, like a praying mantis unfolding itself, extracted himself and his gangly limbs from the bedding and sat up. He wasn’t wearing much, but then again, he rarely did. Naturally impatient, Five had been learning to give Klaus a moment. It was becoming abundantly clear no one ever really had his brother’s full attention, and doing things took time because of all the noise and interference. Eventually Klaus lifted his left arm and pointed to the exact spot Subject A had his scar. “And why do you consider that the wrist?” Five asked, and Klaus shrugged. 

“It’s the outside of the arm,” he replied. Five looked at his own arms, wondering just what other nonsense Klaus thought about anatomy. Was the entire outer edge of the forearm the wrist? That sounded crazy. “So, uh, any… any news?” 

“I don’t want to give you false hope,” Five told him seriously. “By maybe today I’ll have your answer, ok?” Klaus nodded and swallowed noticeably, eyes a little watery but tears staying put. This was for his own good, he knew it, Five knew it, but that didn’t make it easy. Instinct told Five to pop out and keep on with the interview, to do this is as thoroughly and quickly as possible so Klaus would have an answer, but perhaps he ought to say something before doing that. “He, uh, he didn’t know about his freckle,” he said, and Klaus beamed. 

“Yeah, that was my secret,” he sighed. “Anyway you should, uh, should probably get back to it.” 

“Right.” Five shifted from foot to foot, before porting back to the kitchen. Thankfully Diego was still there. “I think he’s sad,” he announced, hoping that would mean something. Hoping Diego would know what to do. 

“Fucker’s mad depressed,” was the response he got. So Diego knew. Diego was keeping an eye. “Go, you’ve got… stuff to do.” 

“Right.” With that out of the way Five ported straight up to the office. Subject A shrieked in surprise and Five rolled his eyes as he made his way to the desk. “Let’s get this done as quickly as possible. But don’t think for a moment this will be easy.” He sat behind the desk, wishing for the billionth time he had his old body back. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was certainly better than this one. “Have a seat.” Subject A sat down across from him, hands clasped in his lap. “I have with me the answers to some questions only the real Dave would know, provided to me by Klaus. There are questions here with proper correct answers, and answers Dave would give. Does that make sense?” 

“No.” 

“Let me put it this way,” Five tried, glancing at his notepad. “Supposing the Commission fed you information, factual information, on both my brother and the time you two spent together in Vietnam, they would potentially have different answers to these questions than the real Dave.” Subject A swallowed. 

“All right. So all I have to do is answer these questions and you’ll be able to determine that I’m Dave?” 

“Precisely.” 

“Ok. I can do that.” Subject A gave a brave smile. “Let’s get started then.” 

“What was the first thing you said to Klaus?” 

“What do you mean?” Subject A asked. “Like the first real thing, like our first conversation, or-” 

“Conversation.” Subject A blinked. 

“I said hey, you just get in country?” 

“Where did you have your first kiss?” 

“A disco in Saigon, in the corner, behind a beaded curtain.” Klaus had been beside himself, retelling the story, looking at Five with watery eyes and declaring “we met at a disco!” like Five was supposed to be in on some joke. For a moment he considered asking Subject A if he knew why Klaus was weird about it, but he decided against it, it sounded suspiciously like something related to Vine. 

“Klaus’s favorite movie?” Subject A smiled. 

“That’s easy. I told him it didn’t count but his favorite movie is Carmen.” That was true enough, although in Klaus’s version he always stopped it before the final scene, so more technically it was 9/10ths of Carmen. 

“Favorite meal?” 

“Do you want, like, what I think his favorite meal is or what he told me his favorite meal was?” 

“Both.” 

“He told me his favorite meal was whatever we were eating that night. It could get kinda bleak, you know, the rut and all, but every night he’d ask what was being served and get a big grin on his face and tell us whatever it was, that was his favorite.” Subject A seemed to smile despite himself. “But I think it’s eggs, actually. He was always talking about craving eggs.” Klaus told Five that he may have mentioned his favorite meal was breakfast, but aside from that didn’t indicate anything specific. Subject A’s answer didn’t list specifics either, more guesses and observations. 

“What’s his favorite junk food?” 

“Doritos.” An actual true fact. “And I don’t really know why, they’re pretty bland, but I’m not one to judge.” 

“They’ve changed since the 60s.” 

“What, really?” 

“Yup.” Five glanced at his notepad. “Who said “I love you” first?” Subject A paused. 

“I did. He got it tattooed on him, though, so we’re pretty even there.” Five blinked and frowned. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“It’s in Vietnamese, well, sort of. It’s Vietnamese script for our names, actual Vietnamese for “loves”. You haven’t seen it? It’s on his stomach, the temple.” 

“I never asked what it said.” 

“It says Klaus Loves Dave.” That he’d have to double check, he wasn’t even sure Klaus knew Vietnamese. 

“Tell me what happened to your dog tags.” 

“I’m not sure what happened to them.” 

“Tell me what you know.” Subject A looked around for a moment, gathering himself. 

“We were headed to the frontlines,” he began. “I knew it was going to be rough. We all did, Klaus especially. We had just one moment of peace, just a sliver of privacy. It started as a joke, right? I kept after him, saying he ought to convert, because his mother was Jewish and we count things matrilineally. So I teased him, I said I’d give him my dog tags, so he’d be sure and not die because then they’d accidentally give him a Jewish burial. But he. I mean, usually Klaus is good for a joke, but he just looked so stricken, I just handed them over.” That was far more information than Klaus had given him. Klaus’s answer was they swapped tags before going to the frontlines. 

“His mother?” he asked. Subject A nodded. 

“Maybe not mother,” he amended. “Klaus called the mother you shared his mother. But the woman who gave birth to him, before he was adopted. She was Jewish.” That was something Five hadn’t known. It was something he’d never cared to know. Where any of them came from was irrelevant, it wasn’t as if they were simply unplanned and unwanted, they were impossible. The women who birthed them hadn’t even had the pleasure of the sex that precedes most unwanted children. 

“So he gave you his dog tags.” 

“Yup. I still have them, actually.” A moment of rummaging and Subject A fished a set of dog tags out of his pocket. “They’re his, but, uh, they’re misspelled. I don’t know if Klaus told you that. Apparently everyone wants to spell your last name r-e-a-v-e-s.” Subject A held the dog tags up, they glinted in the light, but he made no move to hand them over. 

“Can I see them?” Subject A swallowed and looked a little conflicted. 

“In a second?” he asked, voice sounding more tense than Five expected. Didn’t he want to get back to the actual Klaus? The dog tags were inconsequential. But he indulged the stranger, he allowed Subject A to cradle the tags close to his chest, to whisper something to them, to press his lips to the cold hard metal before he eventually placed them reverently on the desk pushed them toward Five. As he inspected them, Five found indeed they had misspelled Klaus’s name. While he couldn’t tell much by them, they didn’t seem to be a copy. How difficult it would be to make a passable fake he didn’t know, but these were as genuine as they could be. 

“What pet names did you have for each other?” he asked, and his interaction with Klaus had given him enough to expect the way Subject A blushed furiously. “I’m not here to judge, I’m here to get my questions answered,” he reminded him, lest he lose his nerve. 

“I call him kitten,” Subject A said, then clamped his mouth shut. 

“Go on.” Klaus hadn’t blushed but had made Five swear up and down not to “go all Freud” and “delve into his psycho-sexual issues”. Frankly Five didn’t give a flying fuck what his brother did in bed, so long as everyone was happy, but he supposed it was a strange thing to tell your brother. 

“Can I write it down?” 

“You cannot.” 

“You’re his brother. This is weird.” 

“It’s definitely weird. Please answer the question.” 

“He calls me Daddy.” It was difficult not to snort as Five ducked his head to make a note of the answer. 

“Thank you for being honest,” he thought to say, because the alternative was snickering over the deep shade of red Subject A’s face had gone. “These questions only get more personal, so prepare yourself.” 

“Oh.” 

“When you had sex for the first time, who was on top?” Subject A blinked. 

“Is that a trick question?” he asked. Five shook his head, idiocy must be contagious because Klaus had said the same damn thing. 

“How the fuck can it be a trick question?” The same question he’d posed to Klaus, who had only fallen over cackling. Subject A did not do that. 

“I can draw you a diagram?” he offered, and Five ripped out a page from his notepad and passed it over the desk with a pen. The stick figures got the point across, one curly haired and sitting on top of the other, both with big smiles. That was a nice touch, honestly. When he’d concocted the question he’d imagined it to be straightforward, when men had sex with each other they often talked about it in terms of “top” or “bottom”. But apparently there was enough grey area to confuse the both of them, or maybe they were just two morons. Klaus had told him he was saying it wrong, he should clarify if he meant “on top” or “the top”, and Five hadn’t listened and now he had a stick figure erotica to show for it. 

“Tell me everything you know about Klaus’s siblings.” 

“Uh.” Subject A rubbed the back of his neck. “Firstly there’s Ben. I don’t want to say Klaus has favorites, but he talked about him _ constantly_. Always with the stories, Ben did this, Ben said that, they’re pretty close.” Subject A scrunched his face up. “Should I use the past tense?” 

“What?” 

“I mean, is it disrespectful? Klaus always used present tense, like Ben hadn’t died, but I don’t see ghosts so. So would it be rude?” 

“I’m not sure.” 

“Right.” Subject A cleared his throat. “Klaus missed Ben the most, Ben didn’t go to Vietnam. And hey, I really don’t blame him there.” 

“Continue.” 

“Then there’s Diego. Klaus and him are close as well, I think, at least by the stories he tells. He’s the one who throws knives real well. Then there’s Vanya.” Subject A paused. “I know the stories Klaus tells, about the book and all, and I know he’d like the world to think it didn’t hurt. But I know it did, and he’d die before he ever admitted it, least of all to her.” Five was unsure on that one. Klaus didn’t bring up the book the way others did, he didn’t seem interested in discussing it, and most of what he’d said was along the lines of “good on Vanya for telling her side of things” and “nice to see the old bastard taken down a peg”. If her words had hurt, then probably no one but Ben could confirm that one. “Then there’s Allison, the actress, she lives in California. Klaus and here were close growing up, but… the way he told it there was a falling out, late teen years, but he didn’t go into detail.” They’d been close when Five had been there, and weren’t now he was back, so the story checked out as far as he was concerned and it probably wasn’t worth digging into more. 

“Go on,” he urged, but Subject A seemed to need a second to think about it. 

“Seven of you, right, we got Klaus, Ben, Diego, Vanya, Allison… then there’s you, Five, and Luther. He didn’t talk about you much.” Five wasn’t expecting the words to stab through his chest. 

“He didn’t?” 

“He said you’d gone missing, and you were back, and that was…” Subject A coughed. “He said you were different. That he still missed you. I don’t know if he really wanted me to share all that, but there you have it.” 

“And Luther?” 

“I think he feels guilty,” Subject A admitted. “I think he feels like he should have done more to help get him out of the house. I know he feels that way about Ben, he blames himself for how he died, like he should’ve gotten Ben out of the house before that all went down. Not like really said it, but that’s why I think it’s hard for him to talk about Luther. He feels he failed him.” As far as the emotional part of Five was concerned, this man was Dave Katz. There was no threat large enough to get that sort of information out of his brother. Under duress he was likely to say something snarky, to say the opposite of how he felt, to throw up his armor of lies and deceit and hedging and equivocating, until there was nothing left to discuss. 

But there was more, so much more, to determine who or what this creature was. Five would not let his emotions get in the way of that, that’s why Klaus had asked him. He was smart, sure, but he also didn’t let how he felt get in the way of a job, which was all Klaus was able to do. And the next part, well. He wasn’t sure if Klaus would be mad or even forgive him for it, but he had to be sure. There were many things Subject A could be: a clone, an assassin, something that worked against them. If that were the case, he would be nothing but a pushover when it came to Klaus. He would do anything to stay. 

But the real Dave, a proper, sound person, would know when to prioritize Klaus above what he wanted. 

“As far as I’m concerned,” Five began, hoping his voice was nonchalant, “I believe you’re Dave. Which means once I give the go ahead, you can say goodbye to Klaus and head on back to your timeline.” Subject A’s eyes widened. 

“Go back?” he choked out. “Alone?” Five nodded. 

“It’s for the best,” he told him. “Klaus lost you, emotionally speaking all he really needs is closure and a chance to move on. That’s more than he ever hoped to get before we discovered you. I’m glad he can have that.” Being with Klaus and making him happy were indistinguishable. But he had to know which one Subject A was really after. Some sort of spy or commission agent would prioritize staying with him. 

“Look, I’ll believe it when I hear it from his mouth,” Subject A snapped. “But if- if- if that’s what he needs. If he needs me to… to go. To be happy. Then that’s… I’m willing to do it.” Five narrowed his eyes. 

“You would?” he asked with a disbelieving scoff. 

“It would fucking _ kill me _ but yes. I would. I get if what we had wasn’t to him what it was to me. I get it if… I mean, as far as he knew I died. He has a right to move on, he has a right to move on _ regardless _. Just. Fuck.” Subject A choked back tears. “I’ll take whatever he gives me. If it’s just to say goodbye, I’ll take it.” Five wasn’t sure if he should believe the man openly sobbing in front of him, but he’d probably toyed with both their emotions long enough. 

“I’ll need to have a quick discussion with my brother before you can see him. Wait here.” Five ported from the room, but just to the other side of the door. Pressing an ear to the old wood, he could hear a clinking sound of Subject A reclaiming the dog tags he’d carried. 

Well, it was time to go bust down his brother’s delicate psyche. For better or for worse, Five had his answer. 

Klaus was still in his bedroom, but sitting up and on his phone, with an empty plate on the floor. So Diego had fed him, that was good. Large hazel eyes glanced up as Five ported into his room, red rimmed, but resolute. “Have a seat,” he offered, with a nod toward his desk. Five sat. 

“I’ve interviewed him,” he began. “He knows things I didn’t even know. About you.” 

“Well, I’ve always tried to keep up the whole enigma of my life,” Klaus replied with a vague wave of his hand. 

“You talked to him, a lot,” Five tried again, because he really wanted Klaus to know this. But he wasn’t quite sure how to take the ache in his chest and chop it up into words, let alone the right words to make Klaus get it. 

“I talk a lot.” 

“He knows more about you than anyone else.” Klaus shrugged. 

“I mean, I’d say Ben knows the most, but if we’re talking alive people yeah, probably Dave.” 

“It doesn’t have to be just him,” Five ground out, wondering why he took sentiment and hurled it at his family like a toddler throwing a tantrum. “It. It doesn’t, ok? It just doesn’t.” Klaus hadn’t argued, but it felt like Five ought to have a defense. Klaus didn’t argue, he never did, he just looked at Five with big wide eyes and just so much emotion Five had to look away. “Anyway that guy’s Dave so you should probably, I don’t know, go out there and apologize for being a paranoid bitch.” The hug Klaus threw around his brother before racing out the door was haphazard but strong, full of intent and gratefulness. 

To his surprise Ben appeared on the bed. “Hey,” he greeted, grinning. Five waved. 

“Hi.” 

“Pretty shocking, all those things Dave said Klaus thinks about us, huh?” Five shrugged. 

“A lot of it was surprising.” 

“Even _ I _ didn’t know half that stuff. How he feels about Luther, how he feels about… well. You know.” 

“So you were listening?” 

“Klaus put me up to it. I was just as happy not to hear any of it, but he wanted a second opinion. He’s…” Ben didn’t say paranoid, but he meant paranoid. “His grasp on reality isn’t what I’d call concrete.” 

“Right.” 

“He definitely hallucinated when he has flashbacks. He makes me double check what he’s seeing, in case it’s a ghost. So welcome to the reality check club, I guess.” Five squinted at Ben. 

“Sure you should be telling me all this?” he asked. 

“This is a warm up,” Ben replied with a smile. “I plan on encouraging him to open up to you, and boy howdy are you going to have a time. Better prepare yourself, his life and brain are a dumpster fire.” 

“Yeah, I kinda figured.” From far away he could hear the sounds of happy shouting and what he would put money on was two grown men falling to the ground like idiots. “I think it’ll all turn out all right, though, all things considered.”

**Author's Note:**

> The bit about Hargreeves being spelled wrong is bc this story is not man vs man or man vs environment but man vs autocorrect bc autocorrect wants it to be Hargreaves.


End file.
